Episode Transcription

24: Dealing with difficult parents

Hello, lovely lady. Welcome to Classroom To Business, the podcast designed specifically for teachers working to become successful business women and creating financial freedom and lifestyle flexibility. I'm Kirsty Gibbs. Business coach and mentor for educators and teachers just like you, who are ready to step away from the classroom and create something more.

The Classroom to Business Podcast is committed to helping you grow your business, break down those barriers to success, and replace your teaching salary without having to work more hours. It's time for you to find freedom and start being your own boss so you can once again enjoy what you do and wake up each morning loving life.

Let's get into it. Difficult parents. It is something that you will come across if you have not yet come across it, and it does not mean that you are necessarily doing anything wrong. But what I thought I would do is today share some things with you that can help eliminate or decrease the chance of these situations arising.

Because when we're in business that no doubt we are going to inadvertently upset somebody or somebody's going to be upset by something that we are doing. So, Today sharing some things that you can put into practice to navigate these type of situations. The first one, effective communication. Now, I coached a little touch football rep team just recently and.

I have not coached a rep football team before, and I was very, very nervous. You know, I've worked with kids and families and people for a very long time, but for some reason, because this was the first time I'd done it, I was freaking out. So I thought, what would I want as a parent, what I would want as a parent?

Is communication and we hear it all the time. Communication is key, right? Having effective communication in your business is going to eliminate confusion. It's going to eliminate any issues arising where you thought one thing they thought another. Just like when I coach this touch team. From the beginning, I was very open.

I was very regular with my communication, so I would let them know in advance when the training sessions were. I would let them know as soon as I could. If there was a change, I actually even messaged them and said, Hey, this is what we did in our training session today. If you want to work on any extra skills with your daughter, do X, Y, and z.

Not many coaches will do that, especially at, you know, such a young age with little kids. But I thought as a parent, these are sorts of things that they might be wanting to know. And if you can maintain open and frequent communication with your parents, listen attentively to their concerns, acknowledge their perspective on things, and then respond respectfully.

Then you are building that clear communication, building that trust, and helping to alleviate misunderstandings. It's also really important here to have some sort of process around if there's been a complaint, for example, what is the process, and then ensuring that that process includes. Really quick and effective communication.

You want that parent to know that you are on top of whatever they have submitted in terms of their complaint and that you are dealing with it and taking action. Now, that doesn't mean you need to bend over and bow down to whatever they've requested or mentioned, but it shows that you are taking action and that you are actually listening.

The second thing to do is set expectations. Now, just like with my touch team, I did this early on. I let them know. They're expected to bring their daughter to every single training. This is a rep team. It's not just when you feel like it. I let them know of the exact starting times. I let them know when we would be finished, and I did that at the very beginning to set those expectations.

So there was, again, no confusion, no reason why parents weren't able to put in their calendar and make plans for our sessions. If you clearly outline things like your tutoring policies, including your scheduling, your fees, any cancellation policies or late payments before you start the tutoring sessions for that child, you are ensuring both you.

And the parent understands and agree to these expectations. And again, that can help to prevent conflicts later on. Confusion, those awkward conversations where a parent's like, Hey, we're not gonna be there this afternoon. In an hour time for my tutoring session, and you're kind of like, well, that's great, but you've still gotta pay.

So they are already aware and already know what's expected because you have set those expectations early on. The third one, so if you can hear the jingling in the background, my puppy is right by my feet. The third one is focus on the student's progress. So again, gonna use my little touch team here 'cause it is a little bit different, but I think it's super relevant.

I talked to parents and gave them feedback. As a parent of a child myself, I want to know how my kids are going, especially if I'm investing time and effort into developing them. Right? So, you know, that's why we have report cards. That's why we have parent-teacher interviews at school. But if it's outside of that, you need to ensure that you are providing the parents with some sort of progress report or feedback or something.

That's showing how that child or that student is progressing because of what you are doing with them. Now, if a parent knows how their child is progressing, they're much less likely to get their knickers in a knot, so to speak about how their child is doing because they are being made aware there's nothing that's.

You know, surprising them or coming from left field, they know how their child is going. So with my touch team, when one of my girls is really just not getting something that I'm teaching her, I would have a conversation with the parent and say, look, this is what we're working on. Such and such is struggling with this because if I know the, because then I will give that.

You might like to go home and practice this, or it's just going to mean maybe we can stay longer after the training sessions and do a little bit more. But when a parent knows how their child is progressing, they have far less reason to complain and to come at you with, why is my child doing this? Why isn't my child doing this?

I thought you were going to do this X, Y, and Z. Now, there are many different ways that you can provide. Feedback on the child's progress to your families. It might be a end of term report, it might be a phone call. There are lots of different ways, and this is something that we can talk about in another episode, but.

If you are ensuring that you are talking about especially the positive aspects of their progress then and highlighting the student success, then it really does help to alleviate any potential concerns or frustrations from your parents. Number four, offer solutions. If a parent expresses a concern or raises an issue, then approach it as an opportunity to find a solution.

We're not, and we're not pretending to be. So a parent may have actually found a bit of a problem with something that's happening in your business or an area where you can grow or improve. Be proactive in finding a solution. And show your commitment to the student's success, and obviously the parents' concerns, and it can really help to diffuse tensions.

Plus, it actually can help to, like I said, develop the effectiveness or efficiency of your business. Now, if it's something that you don't agree with, that doesn't align with you, Then, like I said before, you do not need to bend over backwards and change the way that you do things, but sit down and have a think about why you're doing what you're doing and brainstorm some things that you can say to the parent before you get on the phone with them or before you reply to their email.

One of the worst things that you can do is just simply hit reply and come back super defensive. It's not actually showing that you're trying to find a solution. There is always a way to solve a problem. Just because the parent's given a solution or offered a solution, maybe even tried to demand a solution, doesn't mean that that's the solution you have to take.

And number five, maintain professionalism. Always maintain. Maintain a professional demeanor when you are interacting with parents. Regardless of any challenges that may arise now, the most uneasy. Situation I've been in with a parent is actually at a school, and it was terrifying. I got bailed up at the end of the day by a parent who I had never met before, a dad twice the size of me towering over me, yelling at me, accusing me of picking on his child, and.

Leaving his child out and all these sorts of things. And you know, teacher to teacher right now, his child was the one during the day who was giving me the most grief. This was when I was doing some relief teaching early on, I'd really had my hands full with his son all day. So for him to come back in at me and say that I was picking on his child was quite challenging to swallow and very confusing for me.

Terrifying. You know, like this dad coming in and just absolutely ripping shreds off me. Hold it together. I stood there. Now, I don't know if I should have said something or not, and I'm not going to tell you that you need to say something or need to stand there. Be quiet. But I can tell you what I did in this situation.

It was, I stood there and I listened. I could see that he was very, very angry. I could say that anything that I said was actually not going to help him or change his mind, so I just stood. I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing for a while and then when he was finished, he left. After that I just dropped in a heap on the chair and actually sort of, yeah, I cried.

I did cry 'cause it was a lot, and I was only a very young teacher at that point. And then went to the teacher in the classroom next door. Told her, she rang the principal, and just to make matters worse, the principal ran down to me to check on me as she did. She ran past the dad. The dad tried to bail her up and say, you've got a teacher up there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And she said, yep. Look, Kirsty's a great teacher. I'm sure you know she had her reasons for whatever happened. I'll have to talk to you about this later. Not realizing that he was the dad who had just, you know, told me off and raced up to me because there was another dad at the school that had actually had a restraining order and she thought the principal thought that it was that dad who had come and, you know, got in my face and yelling at me.

So obviously this, you know, this particular school did have some challenging families that they were dealing with, but.

Sometimes quite difficult to remain professional. You know, once he left, like I said, I started crying and if I had have started crying in front of him, then I dunno how things would've gone. I'm not, you know, like I said, I'm not telling you do, don't cry, do talk, don't talk, just giving you my experience.

But by being respectful and patient and just standing there and listening, not trying to shout at him, argue back with him, push my side. I think it helped to eventually diffuse him from escalating. I did not take anything he said personally. I was really confused and obviously scared at that point in time, but I.

Instead of worrying about, you know, what he said about me, which to be honest, I can't even remember what he said specifically about me other than he thought I was picking on his kid. I focused on ways to. What I was doing, so I knew the exact situation that he was talking about and it was a game we were playing outside at the end of the day and his son had had a turn of being in, then it was somebody else's turn to have a go of being in, and he kept.

Mucking up the game and you know, ruining it for other people. And after a couple of warnings, I said, okay, right, you need to sit out because we can't continue to play whilst you are ruining the game for everybody else. So I sat him out to the side, and this was just before pickup time, and his dad came in and saw his son sitting out.

And now, initially when his son saw his dad, the son came over to me, oh, please, please, please let me back in. Let me back in. I said, no, mate, you're out. You know, this is, we can't keep playing because of what you've done, so you can sit out for another round. Anyway, so the dad's obviously seen him. The son's obviously scared that the dad's seen him, which might say something about the dad as well.

You never know, but on reflection of. You know, how can I avoid that for next time? How can I improve myself? I then stopped and thought, okay, well if I'm playing a game like that, maybe if it's at the end of the day, I might play it inside, or I would get in front of that problem, and at the end of the day, I.

Go straight to that dad and say, Hey, just wanted to let you know today. Such and such hasn't had a great day. So I've had to talk to him about this, this, this, this, this, this. And unfortunately, because he continued to ruin the game for everybody else, he sat out for one round. So I've got in front of that problem before the dad can come in.

Like he obviously hear the son's side of the story, which was, I don't even know what he said to him, but clearly it wasn't great and for the dad to then come down on me, so, Obviously that's in hindsight, but it's all learning opportunities. So by avoiding that professionalism and just being respectful and patient, letting him get over it and done with, which again, I'm not saying that what he did was right, but at that point I was not in the situation to be able to change his behavior or his attitude or anything like that.

Then looking and turning it and focusing it back on myself and seeing, okay, what can I do better in that situa, in that situation and maybe even the whole situation of him coming and abusing me and screaming at me, what could I have done better? Maybe straight up when he did that, I could've said, please hang on a minute.

I need another teacher with me whilst you're talking to me. That probably was, you know, Again, a learning opportunity for me. Luckily, it's never happened again, but that might've been something that I could've done. You know, had that, has had it, would it, did it, you know, the word I'm trying to say ever happen again.

So just to recap, dealing with or trying to prevent tricky situations or situations with difficult parents, effective communication, setting expectations. Focusing on the student's progress, especially the positive aspects, offering solutions and maintaining professionalism. Now, just to summarize, you may not have had any.

Difficult parents or tricky or icky, uncomfortable situations, and that's great. That's really good. But it's always good to have a think, how would I react? What would I do, what could I do? And if you have had those situations, I hope that. If you haven't before, this prompts you now to stop and reflect and think, what could I do next time in that situation and what can I be doing now in my business to try and decrease the chance of these things happening or avoid the opportunity altogether?

Let me know if you have had a tricky or icky or scary situation with a parent, whether it's been in your tutoring business or whether it's been at school. I would love to hear from you. I love hearing of different stories. It's really nice to be able to relate to people, so send me a DMM and make sure, please, I get comments all the time from you ladies about how much you love my podcast and it makes me so happy.

It really, really does. I love that. I can create things for you that help you, and what would really help me in return is if you go to the bottom, if you're listening to this on iTunes, go to the bottom of the show and leave me a review. That would mean the absolute will to me. And of course you can always dmm me and say, Hey, I got heaps outta of that.

I love that too. But if you really, really want to help them, please subscribe and go down and leave me a review. It would mean the absolute will to me. If you enjoyed this episode today, I would absolutely love for you to leave a review. It only takes a minute, and if you haven't yet subscribed, make sure you do to ensure that you never miss an episode.

Finally, if you want to know more about what we do, head over to the website, kirsty gibbs.com or check out the link in the show notes below. Thanks for listening. It's so great to have you here.